So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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