Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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