I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
40s are totally the cure
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
