We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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