why didn't you poke me back
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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