Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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