It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
