Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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