Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
