I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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