her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize