i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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