I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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