I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
