There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
