The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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