Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You have to summon your inner elephant
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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