my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
