i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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