We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am mentally ready for anal.
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