I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
