All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
