Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
