took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
