3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
