...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
