Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
