So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
