guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
