i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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