i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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