and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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