I cockslap morals
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he fucked my hip out of place.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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