i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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