We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
