I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize