I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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