I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
