I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Less talking, more tequila
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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