my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
