I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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