he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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