after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
