Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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