So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize