My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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