I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line