the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
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that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits