It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.