btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.