so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard