There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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