i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
