Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
time to smoke my breakfast
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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