He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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