You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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