I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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