do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize