so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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